‘Katrien, its me , Bob , I’m at Sparrows Lane and there’s a guy here who says he’s my assistant assistant manager – he says he’s been everyone’s assistant assistant manager since 1979 and he’s not about to stop now’
Bob , calm down, what does he look like’…… ‘well he’s kind of short and stocky ‘
Oh don’t worry that’s Keef, we nearly sacked him with all the others until luckily Roly found out he was one of us.
‘What do you mean , one of us ?’
‘Well Skipper tipped us the nod that he was a Belgian, otherwise he was a goner’ .
He’s your assistant assistant manager , Keef E.P Kock.
I am not the first to comment that there does seem to be more division amongst Charlton fans than we have ever felt before. Twitter seems to be awash with fans abusing each other and the club for being Pro or Anti Duchatelet.
Bearing in mind the challenges we have faced together over the last 50 years , that alone is disappointing and does not speak positively for the current management of the club , part of whose role is surely to articulate ” the plan” and unite all fans behind the club. The current level of communication is woeful .
From a factual perspective ( a poor and relatively short managerial record) , Bob Peeters does not seem to be a positive choice as manager. Despite the fact that we are all Europeans now , Belgium seems to have become the only place Charlton are allowed to get their managers from .
Despite any concerns we may have , it is obviously sensible and right to welcome Bob and give him our support and get behind the team .
Some of us may have no enthusiasm for the owners , but we are still enthusiastic about the club and the team
Katrien is sitting underneath her desk and whispering on the telephone ‘ Roly , Bob’s all signed up now but we’ve got a Really Big Problem ‘ Roland : Mon petit chou , what is it ?
‘He’s asked to meet the squad and after all the ones we sold and sacked we’ve only got 3 players left and that’s including the little one who we can’t sell yet because the fans say he’s better than Bryan Ferry’
Roland ,slurring from a noisy Belgian bar ‘Liebling , as the great Belgian comic , Groucho Marx , said- any club that would want me as a member is not a club I would want to join – tra la la ……..
Katrien hangs up in frustration – what to do ? Bob is waiting next door .
She phones Ben Kensall ‘ Ben how many security men and car park attendants are working today. Ben ‘About 8 ‘
Is there anyone else around ‘ Well Richard Murray’s here . OK here’s the plan , get them all down to the ( massively overpriced and globally exploitative ) Nike shop and kit them out with full club strips , grab a minibus and take them up Sparrows Lane and get them to jog about like they are players .
‘Boss are you kidding some of these guys are 17 or 18 stone and Richard Murrays got to be 60 if he’s a day.’
No problem , Ive got that covered , I’ll tell Bob that its the close season and in England , a lot of the players let themselves go a bit over the summer – its all those chips and pies the English eat ‘ -OK but what about Richard’ – that’s easy , just tell Bob that he’s an exciting young prospect from the Andorran 9th division , who scored 353 goals last year and Roland was only able to pick him up cheap because of a premature ageing problem .
Katrien relaxes into her chair ‘phew , another bullet dodged there’.
Damn I forgot to give Roland the good news about the cost savings programme , Ben Roberts called to say that now Yoho is coming back we’ve been able to cancel the order for goalkeeping gloves , apparently Ben says that the arms are the only part of Yoho’s body he doesn’t use as a goalie …………………………
Bob : I’m not entirely sure I understand the concept of a rolling hourly contract , but its certainly something I’m prepared to consider and this clause here , Katrien , the one that says – Clause 1.6 in the event that the aforesaid manager finishes below halfway in the championship , then his contract will be deemed to have been immediately terminated and here Clause 168.3 in the event that the aforesaid manager finishes at halfway or indeed anywhere above halfway , then his contract will be deemed to have been immediately terminated.
Katrien : Hang on a minute Bob , its a very important question which I will need to check with Mr Duchatelet
Katrien to Roland is hushed phone call ” Roly ,its me- he managed to spot the two termination clauses even though they were 383 pages apart. I tried my best , but I’m really worried now he might pick up on that one about all new players having to come from clubs that have the capital letters S & L or U & D in their names or from Divisions at least 6 below the one we currently play in, let alone the compulsory player transfers from the new club in Papua New Guinea .
Roland : Katrien ma Cherie , As the great Belgian Eric Cantona once said ‘ when the seagulls follow the trawler, it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the water’
Roly , are you in a bar again whilst I’m stuck here with this man – have you seen the size of him , he’s enormous. His head was outside the Boardroom window at eye level when he arrived in the car park …………… to be continued
Hot on the heels of our takeover by a hitherto unknown Belgian businessman and the appointment of a hitherto unknown Belgian temporary manager , we got the welcome news today that we now have a hitherto unknown Belgian full time manager.
Peeters , a former centre forward, who learnt fluent English at MillWaal during a highly successful 3 goal spell over 2 years and 25 error strewn appearances commented on his appointment ‘Luverlly Jubbly, Its f——c—k–g great innniit ,know what I meen , wot not and dem uver fings ‘
Vanessa Kensington , Charlton CEO commented , we are delighted to welcome Bob , after a short and relatively ignominious management career so far , he is just the sort of relatively unknown Belgian we had been targeting. We interviewed lots of poorly qualified French speaking and Flemish speaking Belgians , but it was the ability to speak Millwall that tipped it for Bob
Bob and I are looking forward to packing the squad with lots of
cheap young talented ,les deux pieds gauche ( as we say in Liege) and hitherto unknown Belgians.
Octogenarian owner , Roland Dutchatalet , commented following his afternoon nap , there were many choices for us , but what eventually swung it was the fact that give or take the odd additional vowel , Bob had the same surname as your Martin Peters who won the 1966 World Cup. We are expecting Bob to be at least 10 years ahead of his time too
On the news the our Dorian seems to have signed a lucrative long term deal for Bolton.
Much as they seem to be a nice family club with friendly supporters , aren’t Bolton supposed to be Bust, Bankrupt, Brassic – even more than us.
Anyway, that’s what the BBC said not long ago .
To be honest , I have been finding it difficult not to warm to Nigel Farage . For a starter he didn’t go to Oxford or Cambridge and wasn’t schooled at Eton or Westminster , so that’s an enormous positive . Secondly , when he appears alongside other seasoned politicians as on last nights Question Time , his arguments are generally more sensible and persuasive , particularly with regard to the European Union . On this subject , to my mind, the minute we decided we didn’t want the Euro( the right decision), we effectively rejected monetary union and therefore political union at the same time and so we decided that we didn’t want to be part of the European union then . I’m not sure why we need a referendum , weve already decided the answer .
Anyway , my point was that I have been looking for a reason not to vote for Nigel , a chink in his personality , a flaw in his judgement and as I munched through my Special K this morning reading The Times, my Damascus moment arrived. Apparently , Nigel is a Nigel , a Glazier , a supporter of a team whose name I dare not speak.
Its a shame , but there you have it ,what greater judgement flaw can you have ,that’s enough for me , the man is a confirmed madman and a danger to the UK .
Long live Dave , Ed , Nick , Natalie ( she’s the leader of the Greens in case you don’t know) ……… in fact , anyone but a Nigel.
btw Blackpool was great fun ……………
When Callum Harriot’s volley hit the back of the net for the 3rd goal, the feeling of pure joy is really hard to describe . All those endorphins being released rushing to your brain at the same time. Its probably an even heightened experience at the Valley because the endorphins have become used to sitting on the anatomical sub’s bench all season
The only other things in my experience that come close are , well , you know what, and actually scoring the goal yourself. Theres a point after 6 pints of Stella that provides a moment , but I think the endorphins are generally rushing in the other direction.
Its difficult to say whether its actually good for you – the net effect of all those hormones suddenly hitting my head resulted in bloodshot eyes , a sore throat and golfers elbow from all the fist pumping.
Most of the season I really wish my Dad’s hobby had been fishing instead , but then it happens- the feeling.
See you in Blackpool , son .