Business Plan Meeting at Charlton

3 weeks ago, The scene on the screen : Powerpoint presentation entitled  Standard Liege Charlton Target  ( a housing development on the Valley) 40,000 . 30,000, 20,000 Meeting

KM: Well Ravi, lets start with the most important stuff,  how is this weekend’s after match entertainment in the North Stand Bar coming on ?  Ravi: Great news boss , we’ve got Gig-less and the Monotonous Dirge back again . KM That’s a bit harsh isn’t it . Ravi: No boss that’s the name of the band.

KM: Anything else lined up  ? Ravi : Yes, After some fantastic feedback from our new BAME , LGBT and local area Chiswick & Hemel Hempstead Scout Troop focus group fans we’ve been able to line up an exciting demonstration of the different knots you might use in an emergency at sea  followed by a French Mime artist – should create a real atmosphere in there after the match !!  Also , weve followed your instructions and made a cup of tea £17.50 after games to discourage the old moaners coming in , you know the ones who have been season ticket holders for 30 years and never miss a match  , so we can encourage our future fans , the one- year on an exchange-visit Malaysian and Korean students from Greenwich University.

KM ;Great stuff , now lets get an update on transfer activity , Jason, where is Karel , by the way ?  JE: Well boss , he’s gone to see Gordon Taylor at the League Managers Association to see if they would set up a new Management Group. Apparently , Gordon’s not keen on any splinter organisations , but Karel’s determined to lead the way in establishing the Interim, Short Term , Temporary, Contractless, Stop Gap, Managing without hope or help, League Managers Group.

KM; Never mind that ,  how are we getting on with the loan of Tony Watt to Bolton.

JE; Well boss I had a think about that and I’m really not sure that trying to loan one of your best players to the only other team in the division that might be worse than us is a sensible move .

KM ; look Jason , all respect to you , but you’re not a businessman are you , you don’t understand risk taking . Its true that Tony Watt might go there and score 15 goals , save their season and leapfrog us in the table , but what I know and you don’t is that they cant afford him , so if we can tempt them into taking him on loan , they will go bust and get 12 points deducted . The PFA have to pay him , so hey presto , bingo and a Belgian hot chocolate , we get out of his wages and he sends them down , its a double whammeroo in the old Business School jargon and – put simply my sugar plum , that’s why I’m the magnificent and gorgeous CEO and you are the assistant to the interim  short term temporary contractless stopgap.

Now get Chrissie Parkes on the phone , have we heard from Rotherham yet about my idea about swopping them that useless Lookman kid for Greg Halford……


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